從猶太笑話看猶太文化 (3) “我想去印度”

科恩女士, 一位年邁的猶太女士, 打電話給她的旅行社.
“我想去印度看看古魯 (印度教宗教導師).”
“科恩女士, 不要去印度! 那裡擁擠, 炎熱, 對您來說太辛苦了.”
“我想去印度,看看古魯.”
“你去了可以吃什麼? 食物太辣, 水又不能喝. 你會得傷寒, 瘧疾……為什麼要折磨自己? “
“我想去印度, 看看古魯.”
代理人搖搖頭, 為她安排旅程.
科恩女士到達了印度. 她沒有被擁擠的人群嚇倒, 反倒是直接走向修道院.
她加入了一條巨長等候見大師的隊伍. 古魯的助手告訴她, 至少需要三天的時間才能見到大師.
她說 “沒問題.”
最終她到達了那扇金色的大門. 助手十分慎重地告訴她, “你只能說三個字.”
她說 “沒問題.”
她被領進了殿內. 充滿智慧的大師坐在那裡, 對著排在科恩女士前頭十分愛戴他的訪客給予精神上的祝福.
就在她要走到古魯面前時, 助手再次提醒她: “記住, 只有三個字.”
她走到大師面前, 直視著他的眼睛, 說: “班 (便雅憫簡稱), 回家!”

Mrs. Cohen, an aging lady, called her travel agent.
“I want go to India and see the guru.”
“Mrs. Cohen, not India! It’s crowded, hot, and too difficult for a lady alone.”
“I want go to India and see the guru.”
“What will you eat? The food is too spicy. You can’t drink the water. You’ll get typhoid, malaria… Why torture yourself?”
“I want go to India and see the guru.”
The agent shakes his head, and makes the arrangements.
Mrs. Cohen arrives in India. Undeterred by the crowds, she makes her way to the ashram.
She joins an enormous line of people waiting to see the guru. His assistant tells her that it will take at least three days to reach the guru.
“That’s OK.”
Eventually she reaches the golden door. The aide tells her firmly, “You can only say three words.”
“That’s OK.”
She is ushered into the inner sanctum. The wise guru is seated, bestowing spiritual blessings on the eager visitors ahead of Mrs. Cohen.
Just before she reaches him, the aide reminds her, “Remember, only three words.”
She reaches the guru, looks him straight in the eye, and says: “Ben, come home!”